The Everlasting NO

Oxford, truth be told, looks to have some pretty strict rules. I saw this sign in a coffee shop. Not only is smoking not allowed, but all cogitation regarding smoking is also prohibited. One could, though, question the meaning of "here," as the sign is positioned right under a map of the world.

Looks like the authorities are afraid SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE might have a GOOD TIME! I mean, even ILLEGAL ACTIVITY is prohibited!! What next???
And what kind of help and assistance might be offered at that number? And is there a separate number is one wishes for help only without assistance?

Can I drive my car through? What about a motorbike? A surrey with a fringe on top? A one-horse open sleigh?? Can I bring cats? Rats? Fish? A fish that drives a little car? A fish that has a little star? My, what a lot of rules there are!