Magnum P.I.

As usual, I have poison ivy, and this time in my eye.

VERY attractive. In fact, from now on, I'm going to be deliberately grinding the leaves into my eye as a fashionary enhancement.



Yeah, doctors, schmoctors, right?

Maybe later.



Meanwhile, I surfed the web for solutions.



Here's the winner:



"I still spend a lot of time in the woods, but haven't had Poison Oak or Poison Ivy problems for 5 years; now I only have credibility problems. An Indian medicine woman told me to go to the strongest PO patch I knew, and talk to the plants. Explain that they were powerful and beautiful, that I admired and respected them, but contact with their oil hurt me. Then ask permission to work near them without harm. I promised to try not to step on them or break branches, scattered an offering of tobacco, [I'm not a bit surprised that poison ivy dips tobacco, are you? It's that tough image to keep up] then went about my work, trying desperately to believe I was safe.
It wasn't long before I tripped and sprawled face first in the PO. I got up, apologized, and went on working. I still hunt mushrooms [<--perhaps a clue to the author's apologizing to and complimenting poisonous plants] and darlingtonia blooms in the poison oak, and I haven't had a single spot of it since. So, am I nuts? [editor's (that's me) note: fuck yes you're nuts, you passed eccentric ten miles back] Maybe, but it works for me.


On a purely practical level, when you wash your clothes after exposure, add a little Fels Naptha to the wash, and you won't end up putting the oil, which isn't dissolved by usual means, back on your body.



On another purely practical level, you probably should just skip the atonement gardening and check straight into the asylum. Good luck.



yeah yeah great but what about the poison ivy in my eye-vy??